Relationships

Dear Bunmi, my aunty’s husband is too demanding

Dear Bunmi
My aunty’s husband is too demanding

Dear Bunmi,

I am currently studying to be a trained teacher at a college of education. My parents are not very well off, so my aunty agreed that I stay with her, as her house is very close to the college.

Not long after I moved in with her, her husband started toasting me. Whenever I complained about not having money for books or project, he willingly gave me money.

We started having sex about a year ago and he is a very nice and generous man.

My problem is my aunty is very trusting. She even allows us to go to family functions without her.

All the sex takes place in the house when my aunty is out and the children in school. Sometimes, he arranges for me to cut classes to come and meet him.

I am a bit fed up with his sexual demands but he seems not to notice. I’ve used a couple of tricks to dissuade him. I’ve even failed to keep appointments, but he won’t leave me alone.

I’m afraid to think of what will happen if my aunty should find out.

Chinedu, by e-mail.

Dear Chinedu,

I’m glad you’ve realised that what you are doing is wrong. Your best bet really is to move out of your aunty’s home.

If you can convince your mother to let you come back home, you will be saved from the abuse of your aunty’s husband.

It is sad when men take advantage of situations like yours, but it happens all the time. And you must admit you’re using him too.

If you can’t go back home, see if you can share a room with any of your school mates. You don’t have that long a period of stay in college, as you will be finishing soon.

He won’t take no for an answer

Dear Bunmi,

I have a male friend who clearly wants to be a lot more, but I just don’t fancy him. I never have and never will.

I’ve politely told him on a number of occasions, but now he tries all he could to sabotage my dates. When we’re not with friends, he’ll be rude and even pick fights with my dates.

Once, he even came to my house uninvited when he knew I was with my boyfriend. When I confronted him about it, he just tells me he does it because he doesn’t want me to get hurt.

It’s getting to a point where I don’t want to be his friend anymore. Would it be wrong to cut ties with him completely?

Juliana, by e-mail.

Dear Juliana,

It’s obvious that your ‘friend’ is not behaving like one. He has romantic intentions towards you and his behaviour is totally unacceptable, so I wonder why you’re allowing him to interfere in your love life?

It’s important to ask yourself what a true friend is. Surely, a proper friendship is one built on trust, mutual support and honesty. I don’t think he’s ticking any of these boxes.

He’s being dishonest about his intentions and behaving in a manner that shows he really cares very little about you. He’s putting his wants and needs above yours.

It’s time to cut ties with him. This is not a healthy situation for either of you. By going your separate ways, you will be helping him to move on with his life— and you can get on with yours.

VANGUARD


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